I have been going on interviews for a week to obtain a paid internship as an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist. I have had a total of five interviews and while I have eliminated at least two of the positions that I would like to have I am not closing my mind to opportunities that may come along to stretch and grow me. Specifically, two of those interviews involved visiting the homes of clients to give them therapy. Just the thought of walking into unknown homes of people who are struggling with mental illness sends off danger signals and red flags in my mind. As someone who has struggled with traumatic events, my brain is wired to protect me when I feel I am in danger. The problem with a traumatized mind is that the individual feels danger in situations that aren’t necessarily dangerous but remind the individual of past traumatic events. This is the struggle I have when thinking of going into homes of people I do not know. So, I am leaving the offer of employment up to God and in his perfect will. If God puts me in a position where I do have to visit people’s homes for therapy, then it is something he wants to grow in me. Truthfully, I wish I was not afraid of going into people’s homes and visiting them. I wish I was were strong enough in myself to know I can handle crises and difficult conversations without feeling hot with danger. I wish I were confident and strong on the inside as I appear on the outside. This, I believe, is something God is working out in me through my difficult conversations and situations. One job interview I went to involved the knowledge that the position required 10-20 group therapy sessions a week. That is me, if I get the job, conducting group 10-20 times a week. The prospect of that seems insurmountable in some respects but I feel God telling me strongly, that it is something that I can do and will excel at. I believe I being afraid of things is something God wants to change in me. Of course, fear has its place. It is an emotion that we all feel when we are in danger so it is not like we are not supposed be fearful. But trauma changes that healthy fear into sometimes irrational fear. I know in my heart I am strong and I have proved to myself and other people that I am strong and can do pretty much what I set out to do. So, I will welcome and accept a job offer from that institution where I have to conduct 10-12 group sessions a week because I know it will grow me into a strong successful therapist. Of course, the real possibility is that I may not be offered any of the positions I applied and interviewed for. That, too, I will accept as God’s will and continue to search for my place in this new career.
I am taking another class this weekend in expressive arts. It’s not a course that will give me credit towards my board certification in dance therapy but it is a course that I hope will give me knowledge and experience in conducting dance therapy sessions. My perspective is I need to keep moving forward toward my dream by putting one foot in front of the other and gaining all the knowledge and experience I can to help me further my career dreams.