Path to Glory

It has been such a struggle to find employment. Even after spending thousands of dollars on my education, even with a Master’s degree, I can’t seem to get hired anywhere. This frustration has led to me to do some deep soul searching. God seems to be opening doors to pursue this whole GodStrongDance thing where the music used is all worship music and the focus is on praising God. I know that Jesus has put his spirit in me, so I just need to believe that it is he who guides me and keeps the passion alive. While my first couple of dance events that I produced in 2016 was not successful monetarily wise, I did learn a lot about what it is that God wants me to do and what he doesn’t want me to do. He will bless me with this endeavor as long as I keep the focus on him. While I worry about the marketability of such events, I do realize that God will provide and to let that happen organically, (since forcing it obviously has not garnered any results).

So discouraged as I was, I forced myself to get out of the house and take a walk. Of course, I always take my music with me and I listen to various playlists on my phone which includes mostly contemporary Christian music. It’s funny how the songs I have added to my playlists just fit right in with my mood. I’m struggling to get someone to believe in me and hire me . The song “God Only Knows” recorded by King & Country says it so beautifully:

Wide awake while the world is sound asleepin’
Too afraid of what might show up while you’re dreamin’
Nobody, nobody, nobody sees you
Nobody, nobody, nobody would believe you
Every day you try to pick up all the pieces
All the memories, they somehow never leave you
Nobody, nobody, nobody sees you
Nobody, nobody, nobody would believe you

God only knows what you’ve been through
God only knows what they say about you
God only knows how it’s killing you
But there’s a kind of love that God only knows
God only knows what you’ve been through
God only knows what they say about you
God only knows the real you
There’s a kind of love that God only knows

My steps lightened and so did my mood as I realized (again) God’s got me. This walk was very much needed to get me out of my head and allow God to reveal his plans for me. I was struck by the idea that God’s Spirit resides in me and is giving me the power to do his will for my life. He has given me the talent, skill, training, and passion to pursue this GodStrongDance thing. He has even given me time to make it all happen! I realized that I am financially independent, I have no boss telling me what to do, and the only thing stopping me is me. All I have to do is start believing in myself and start taking the necessary steps to fulfill his will for my life.

I encountered a couple of neighbors who live in the same area of the complex as I, and after hearing the woman say that being a nurse is who she is and that she was born to be a nurse, I realized that is how I feel about dancing. I was born to dance. I am a dancer and I need to keep that as truth when I start getting these thoughts about how I’m not good enough to get hired as a therapist. Maybe it’s because I have been trying to be a therapist and not the dance therapist that I really want to be. I have been trying to be someone I think employers would want to hire instead of just doing my own dance therapy out in the open, like the gym here in my complex. It has a ballet barre and I visited it midway through my walk.

As I stretched, I allowed my self to use this barre as I had been trained. I did some deep leg stretches and torso stretches and marveled at how flexible I still am despite all the arthritis that continues to eat away at my joints. I thought, well, if no one wants to hire me as a therapist, I will just be a therapist to myself. After all, grad school opened up a lot of old wounds and I’m still basically recovering from that. So, I will do my own dance therapy with myself. I will practice what I preach and develop my own method to use dance as therapy for myself. At least this way, I can keep moving forward and keep the focus on improving myself and not tearing myself down for not being good enough.

I can’t call myself a dance therapist yet because I have two more courses before I am eligible to start an internship. It is only after fulfilling this requirement that I can legally say I am practicing dance therapy. So, the idea was put out there that dance therapy used to be called creative dance. I can have a creative dance event and still use the principles of movement without calling it therapy. I’ll have one more course to go after the upcoming one in April before I can start referring to what I want to do as dance therapy.

So, plans are germinating in my mind about producing another GodStrongDance event and having it at a studio that has been offered to me to use. If that isn’t a God-inspired offer, I don’t know what else to call it. It’s those things that make me realize that God has opened the door for me and I just have to walk through it. My only limitation is my own self and the belief in myself. I just have to believe that I’m on a path towards Glory and keep Jesus as the center of my being.